Accept the compliment
Confession: I love to give compliments but have a super difficult time receiving them.
In theory, it is so easy: “thank you" - two short words. Thank. You. Yet, instead of reach for those two words, I often find myself either diminishing whatever it is I’ve done or avoiding the compliment completely.
You know the deal - someone compliments your outfit and you mention how you got it on sale. Someone says you did a great job with that presentation and you say: Really? You think so? I wasn’t sure. I think I spoke a little too fast. Someone says you look nice and you talk about how you actually probably look exhausted.
My awkwardness around compliments holds steady in virtual environments - that’s where my avoidance comes in. Every now and then I will receive an absolutely lovely, kind, just amazing email or text or note from a student, a friend, a colleague, perhaps a family member. One of those messages that totally makes your day. A message that makes you feel special, important, and happy… truly touched! The type of message that you save, and go look at when you are having one of those days when you are thinking: “What am I doing with my life? Do I even matter?”
And you know what I do 99% of the time… I open it and CANNOT EVEN READ THROUGH THE WHOLE NOTE. I instantly archive it and tell myself I’ll go back to it.
Why is it so hard to take the win?
I’m a recovering perfectionist, so it’s rare that I think anything I’ve done is good enough to merit a compliment. I find this all a little funny because I have no problem showering people in compliments or expressing my gratitude — that feels good! I love love love to let people know how important they are and that they are beautiful, smart, kind, wonderful, etc. Receiving those things though? Damn. It’s hard.
The minute someone says something nice to me fear, self-doubt, and awkwardness creep in. I think things like:
I can’t possibly be that great.
Or, that wasn’t a big deal.
Or, oh my gosh, what if I used to be really great and now I’m just utterly failing at life?
And so, I say whatever comes to mind to deflect - I make an excuse or a joke, grabbing for anything I can say to make it clear that I’m not that great or special.
Except we ARE that great and special.
The struggle to not diminish a single piece of the lovely gift of gratitude or a compliment that has been given to me is something I’m actively working on - feeling proud and accepting the compliment, graciously. Not feeling like I have to diminish what was said or shrug it off. Not feeling guilty or like someone with a huge ego for basking in an accomplishment for a minute or two.
When you accept a compliment (thank you) or words of appreciation (you’re welcome) you are giving the gift of gratitude to yourself AND the other person. How amazing is that?? These simple responses signify that you hear and acknowledge their words, and that allows the gratitude to flow into your heart and theirs.
So, accept the compliment or acknowledgment, and take a minute to appreciate yourself. I love what the lovely Kris Carr has to say on this topic here.
Think of compliments as little confidence-building soul vitamins.
You are worthy of praise.
Compliments and/or expressions of gratitude are not necessarily something we are used to (or comfortable) receiving. Maybe, like me, your identity has always been more of a “giver” than a “receiver,” and compliments or gratitude make you uncomfortable. Maybe you too are a recovering perfectionist and you don’t feel like you’ve “earned” the compliments or gratitude.
I’m still trying to master this one . How I can accept compliments with ease and grace, and how I can balance my giving and receiving? Here is my challenge to you:
Practice accepting compliments, words of encouragement, expressions of gratitude, positive vibes… I think you get the gist.
Start small. Start with just saying: “thank you” or “you’re welcome” (whichever is appropriate based on the situation). Seriously. You don’t have to say anything else. In fact, it may be best if you don’t.
