Season 1: Ep. 21 On Resting
(00:21)
Hello, and welcome back to Graceful Rulebreakers. I'm your host, Kirsten Lee Hill. Today's episode is on resting, on giving yourself permission to take a break, to stop pushing and to not feel guilty about it. You may have noticed that I was on a little hiatus last week. The truth is, I have been just so completely energetically drained, that I have had no creative bandwidth, which makes me so sad because I love creating and sharing things. I also really love and value consistency. So, to be totally honest, it was super difficult to miss releasing a new episode on Tuesday. It made me sad and a little disappointed in myself for not being able to pull it together… still learning self-compassion, and progress not perfection there. Here's the thing, as much as I value commitments and consistency, I value authenticity more, and I don't think you can push creativity. I mean you can, but it doesn't feel good. It isn't easy. And the end product doesn't necessarily resonate as much with others because you aren't in flow. You're pushing.
(01:36)
I've talked about pushing versus persisting a bit on the podcast before, and today I want to dive into it a bit more and talk about when and how to rest. I used to think that my waiting to do things until I was, quote unquote, “in the mood," was just me procrastinating. However, as I've gotten older and more familiar with my working style, I've realized that there is a definite difference between procrastinating and not being in an energetic state or a frame of mind to create. When we push ourselves to create, when we don't have the bandwidth or the inspiration, we further drain ourselves, which is never good. Not to mention, we make the task or project at hand so much more difficult than it should be.
(02:18)
I know for me personally, I don't even end up feeling super happy about the end product because I pushed, I wasn't in my creative flow. So, I didn't really give it that magic that I usually have, but because I was so stressed about being a failure for taking more time or not having it done sooner… procrastinating, I forced myself into it, I valued checking something off my list over honoring my needs and my creativity. For me, when I'm not in the mood to create it's typically because I need a break. I need to rest. I don't have anything left to give. And I imagine that I'm not alone in this, right? Especially if you're a Graceful Rulebreaker and you're doing work to change the world, it can be hard and it can lead to burnout because you're so passionate and you want to make a change, you want to do everything right this minute. But if you do all of those things and dive in, you know, wholeheartedly and put everything into something without having the proper self-care in place, without resting, you get burnt out.
(03:22)
So, what do you do when you're in that place, that place where you're tired, your creativity isn't flowing, you're getting a little burnout… because I get it, you have deadlines, you have people you don't want to disappoint, you have a passion and a mission you want to fulfill, but if your cup is empty, you have to fill it back up. As many of you know, I made the move down to Charleston last week and it's been a big change, and there have been a lot of little, and kind of big hiccups in my journey, which is fine. Life is… you know, I'm rolling with it, and I know everything is always working out for me, but that doesn't mean that all these little curveballs are not draining. So, last week I needed to rest. Of course, there were some things that I couldn't take off my plate. There were meetings that couldn't be rescheduled, and as is the case for many people, there are some deadlines that are pretty fixed, but there were other things that I could move around and reschedule and delay, and give myself that grace and space to recharge. And so I did. I was honest and just said, "Hey, I'm having a really hard time this week. I'm overwhelmed. I'm so tired. I'm drained. I need some space to just be off. I'll get this done on [insert deadline here] And yes, I do clean up my emails to sound a little bit more professional, but you get the gist.
(04:46)
And here's the thing, not everyone is understanding of this need to rest and recharge. But a lot of people are understanding, and in my mind, the people who aren't, well, it's just not worth worrying about them. You know, those aren't your people. If they don't understand and can't support you prioritizing your needs, then you probably don't want to work with them in the long run, and I know for one, I'm not going to beat myself up about it. Especially moving into the holiday season, If you're running your own business, you might feel guilty taking any time off or feel like it's the wrong time to take time off, and you want to be on call for all your clients and support everyone every minute of every day, and keep checking your email on your phone and just go, go, go. Well, I think it's really important to make space, especially during times like these to recharge and fill up your cup because when your cup is full, when you are rested and you are cared for, you're actually better able to serve others.
(05:46)
So, how do you take time off and step back without stressing? Here's the first thing, recognize that you need the time. Get really honest with yourself. Do you need rest? Do you need a break? Here's some of the signs that I look for when I'm struggling to create content, or feel like I'm snoozing through calls and not able to contribute to the world in the way I want to; I know I need to rest.
When I'm stressing out about literally everything, like, I have anxiety, I worry a good bit, but there's a certain point at which I'm like… Oh my gosh, is this person mad at me, did I do something wrong? Just worrying way more than usual and just kind of spiraling and stressing out about health, and emails, and just all these little things; that's another flag. And when I recognize it, I think, okay, I need to take a step back.
If I am crying a lot or feeling really emotional or short-tempered, like these very extreme moods, that's a sign I need to rest. If I get frustrated with Calix really easily; a sign I need to rest.
If I feel like I need an IV of caffeine to get through the day; rest.
Here's a quick checklist that you can run through:
Is it a struggle for you to show up and create?
Is it becoming difficult to focus on zoom or your calls?
Are you worrying more than usual, especially about little things?
Are you feeling really emotional and like you have a quick fuse?
Are people or your pets driving you wild? Are you feeling physically tired?
If the answer is yes to any or all of these things, you need to rest.
(07:38)
So, how do you rest without stress? There are five steps that I use to rest without stress, and again, progress, not perfection, but I'd say they've worked pretty well for me and I'm excited to share them with you.
Step one: communicate the need. I reach out to the members of my team and people I work with and I'm like, "Oh, hey, hi… I need to take the afternoon. I need to take the day. Maybe I need to take the whole week." I communicate there is a need that I have for a break, for a step back.
Step two: make it happen. You make the rest happen by triaging. Personally, I like to do this with pen and paper, but you can do whatever works for you. But I think about what needs to get done and what can wait. Like, what do I have to do? And when I say I, I mean, definitely me, it has to be me, I am the only person who can do this and it needs to be done right now; what are those things? And what can wait? And a lot of things, when push comes to shove, can wait. And for those things, I schedule them out in the future so that I'm not worried about forgetting about them, I know they haven't fallen off of my plate and I'm like, “Okay, I'm taking care of these things that only I can do, and that must be done right now, and then the rest is all scheduled out, so after I take my rest, I can come back and do them and it will be great.”
Step three: more communication. Communicate the deadlines, communicate delays, communicate what you're going to get done now and communicate what you're going to get done after your rest. I find it so much less stressful if you are just upfront about it. Again, some deadlines are not super flexible, except for with emergencies. Others are, and I find for me personally, I just like to know when to expect something. And if I'm not going to get in that day, I want a heads up and a new plan, like be transparent, be honest, you're human. Again, people understand that you're a human, but it's on you to communicate. I think this shows a lot of integrity and it's just a really important skill to have.
Step four: set boundaries and stick to them. It isn't rest, if you are secretly working or checking your email, or worrying about not working. For me, I know my phone normally sleeps in another room, and if I'm resting, the phone is in another room. I don't check my email first thing in the morning. I don't check my email at night. Maybe I put up a vacation responder and I don't check it at all, right? When I'm off, I'm off. And I let people know, again communication is key. If there is a true emergency, here's how to reach me, but I'm off. And I just start like putting in those boundaries so that I can take my space back and really recharge. And again, the key here is just be clear about the expectation.
Step five: do what you need to do to rest. Maybe you really need to just sleep, or maybe you want to watch movies or TV shows, or maybe you want to go for walks outside and exercise. Just truly rest. Rest can look different for different people, and that's okay. The key here is to actually rest, don't get into reorganizing your personal life or your work life. That is all work. And that's definitely a trap I fall into where I'm like, 'Oh, I decided to take this day off to recharge, let me get all these things on my like secret to-do list done.' No, that is not rest. So it is definitely work. Another note is spending time with family and friends may or may not be rest to you, and that's something that you need to think about and decide. For me, especially when my cup isn't full, it's actually really draining to be around people, so I have to communicate boundaries to my family and friends. If you need rest and you need space to just heal and be, your true friends and your family will ultimately respect that. Maybe not immediately, and it might be difficult or uncomfortable because they're used to you doing everything and showing up for them all the time, but they love you and want you to be happy and healthy. So, make sure to take care of yourself.
(12:27)
It's a controversial opinion, but at the end of the day, you have to put yourself first. It's not selfish to take care of your physical, emotional, spiritual, mental wellbeing. It looks different for each and every one of us, and ultimately, it frees us up to show up as a better version of ourselves for others. Once I'm rested and recharged, I know I'm going to be a better family member, a better friend, a better business owner, and I just need to get that rest and recharge to get there. So, do things that are restorative and that fill you up, things that feel good. So, I'll end this with a quick little recap. Five steps to rest without stress, or at least with minimal stress; communicate the need, make it happen. You know, triage. Have some more communication about expectations, set boundaries and stick to them. And lastly honor what you need to do to rest. If you feel like you need permission to rest in the coming days or weeks, here's your sign. Here's your permission.
(13:42)
The key is to put structures in place that will make you feel comfortable with resting. Communications, expectations, boundaries. The people who want to support you and be in your life will get that you need to rest, and your resting might even serve the dual purpose of inspiring them to be like… hmm, I need to rest too. Thanks for giving me permission. We don't have to live in this culture of grind and hustle all the time. We can set new norms and slow down. I'd like to run a successful business and be happy and healthy. It's hard because we get in that trap of always creating and always being on. Honestly, I think that this time of year is a great time to take stock of what's working and what's not in your business and your life. And to step back and rest, and recharge, and fill up your cup. The more you practice resting, the less rest you'll need because you won't be constantly on the verge of burnout and the easier it will get. So, honor yourself and your needs. Recharge, my friend. The world needs you.
