Season 1: Ep.20 - Get Calm

(00:28)

Hello, and welcome back to Graceful Rulebreakers. I'm your host Kirsten Lee Hill, and today I'm coming to you with another bite-sized tip to bring more self-care into your life. It's called ho'oponopono. It is a Hawaiian practice of forgiveness or making things right, moving things into balance. I first learned about ho'oponopono… gosh, I don't know, six, maybe even seven years ago, when I read a book called Zero Limits by Joe Vitale. The book tells a story of a doctor who healed a mental ward in a prison in Hawaii without ever interacting with the patients. He was in his office, he read through their files and he practiced ho'oponopono. It's a really incredible story and I definitely recommend looking it up. And the book is great too. I was thinking about this practice, I usually refer to it as a prayer a lot recently, and it ended up coming up three times in conversation.

(01:24)

I don't know if you've ever heard the saying, but there is something along the lines of when things come to you in threes, you should take action. So, it seems like the perfect divine time to share this practice with y'all, especially with the holidays coming up and just given how difficult and stressful this year has been, I think that this practice is something that is really helpful to be able to reach for when you're having difficult times, and just gives you the sense of calm and inner peace. Essentially, ho'oponopono is about taking total responsibility for everything you experience in life. The idea being that if something presents in front of you, you have played some role in creating that circumstance. It wouldn't come into your life or your consciousness If you hadn't. I know I've talked about this before, the idea that things that are happening in your outer world are a reflection of your inner world, right?

Or, you know, when people say how someone reacts to you, says much more about them than it does about you. It's similarly how you react and the things that you're seeing and experiencing, say much more about you than anything external. What I love about this prayer is that it really is accepting and embracing that, and for me, I've found that in my life it's enabled me to heal relationships and persist in really stressful situations, and just instantly have the sense of calm. The core idea here is that to heal your life and your circumstances, you must be willing to take responsibility. You do this by apologizing, asking for forgiveness, expressing gratitude and sharing love by practicing ho'oponopono. So, without further ado, to practice ho'oponopono you say:

"I love you.

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you."

Then, if you want, you can add on a name or an identifier for the situation at the end. So, "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you, Calix." Just an example. And I've seen these four phrases written in different orders, and you know, different readings and books, and blogs and per usual, I would say, do what works for you. So, whatever ordering of the sentences feels good to you, resonates with you, that's the order you should go with.

(03:59)

What's important is the intention of these sentences, these mantras, affirmations, the purpose is to heal and send love, and just clear any bad energy and vibes in your life. Personally, I find that these statements are really positively affirming and that they put me in this total meditative space. I will repeat them again and again, and again, thinking about the situation I want to heal until I feel a sense of calm wash over me. And again, I found this really helpful in particular with family and relationships. Sometimes, I don't have the energy to deal with a conflict head-on and other times, given the circumstances, I don't think it's actually appropriate or healthy to reach out to someone, and like, engage over issues in your relationship. And what's great about this practice is that you can let go of negativity in relationships and anger and resentment without actually engaging or having a conversation. You think about the person and the circumstances and repeat this prayer to move the energy, to heal the situation. I honestly have even used this to heal relationships and rebuild relationships with a family member that I was basically estranged from for over a year. And similarly, I use it on smaller things like tension in meetings or when I'm running late, or anytime that I feel like there is this like tension or negative energy I need to move, I use this prayer because I find it so calming and peaceful, and it just instantly shifts me into a more positive space.

(05:43)

I honestly use it hundreds of times throughout my week, if not my day. Now, I think some people listening, like me, really believe in energy and the healing power of our words and in that sense Ho'oponopono is really going to resonate with you. But honestly, even if you don't buy into the energetic aspect at this stage in your life, I really believe in the power of these statements and this practice to just instantly calm you and bring you a sense of peace.

I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.

Give it a try in your life and see how it feels. What is it like to take total responsibility for the circumstances you encounter and to respond with love and compassion? What is it like to forgive? I think you'll find that this is really healing and powerful, and I can't wait to hear about your experience.