Season 1: Ep.01 - On breaking the rules (gracefully)

(00:27)

Hello, and welcome to Graceful Rulebreakers. I'm your host, Kirsten Lee Hill. And I am so honored to have you with me today. This is my very first podcast episode, and I am really excited. Starting a podcast is something that has been on my vision board for… gosh, at least a year, if not longer. And something that really deeply resonates with me and that I really, really, really want to do, but that I've kept putting off because I don't feel ready. In particular, I feel like, and have felt like; who am I to do a podcast? Who wants to listen to me? What could I possibly share or say that would be useful or meaningful to other people? And something that I've been thinking about and reflecting on over the past few months is that that type of thinking is really, really hypocritical for me because I truly value sharing stories, and just totally believe in the power of sharing your story, to inspire others, to uplift others, and let other people know that they're not alone in what they're going through.

So in that sense, who am I to not share my story? I keep thinking about Marianne Williamson and her quote about our deepest fears, about being inadequate, and who are we to do this, or be this way… and really the question we should be asking is; who are we to not do that? And so with all of that in mind, I am diving in, I'm definitely starting before I'm ready, and it's with this podcast, it's with Graceful Rulebreakers. And this first episode is going to be about Graceful Rulebreakers and what that means, because I'm guessing that a lot of you haven't heard the term before, and might not know what it means. And in fact, it's pretty new to me too. So, I totally get that. So, what is a Graceful Rulebreaker? Well, first I have to say that since you're listening to this podcast right now, I have a hunch that you are probably a Graceful Rulebreaker, even if you don't know it yet.

(02:45)

Graceful Rulebreaker was my answer to a question on a panel that I sat on this spring. The question I got was pretty basic… just about who I am and what do I do. And I tell you what, I hate getting that question. I feel like it's, you know, this softball question, just, you know, tell us about yourself? And it causes me so much anxiety, and it's even more funny because, you know, as many of you know, I'm an entrepreneur and I run my own business, so I get asked what I do a lot, and kind of the expectation is that I am able to pitch myself and my business, and explain this. And, I honestly really struggle to feel comfortable with that, and stumble over explaining myself, and I'm always looking to have that perfect pitch or that really jazzy sounding thing to describe what it is that I do. And I bumble it a lot, you know, progress, not perfection. But this time, when I was asked about who I am and what I do, I said… I am a Graceful Rulebreaker.

I don't know where it came from… No, scratch that… I do. I know where it came from; It was the universe, it was divinely inspired, and I know this for certain because when I was asked that exact same question and just the span of a week or two, the exact same phrasing came to me again. I am a Graceful Rulebreaker. And when things come to me like that with such ease, I know it's a sign and that it's truth. And so I'm not positive this is the exact explanation I gave, in either of those instances, but I am positive that this is what resonates with me, and how I explain who I am and what it is to be a Graceful Rulebreaker. So here we go….

In society, or maybe even in the field that you work in just in your life in general, there are a lot of rules. There are so many 'shoulds' and obligations, and regulations, and there are also laws, and social norms, and just a lot of lines and boundaries. And some of these lines, boundaries, rules, regulations… whatever you want to call them, are really good, and helpful, and useful, and we like them. And some of them… let's just say there is room for improvement, not particularly helpful, challenging, oppressive, not the best that could be.

(05:34)

So, for those of you who don't know me, I have my PhD in education policy. My background is in academia. You want to talk about rules and regulations? Get into academia. Um, there are… so there are, so many rules, there are gold standards and guidelines, and there are all these systems and structures that were built with the intention to make things work, and to make things be the best they can be, and to be ethical, and trustworthy, and powerful, and credible. And that's great. That's a great goal. That's good intention with which to create something. But the thing is, things become outdated and sometimes people get so used to the status quo and how things are, and these rules that they maybe don't notice the things are outdated, or they notice but it's just really, really hard to push for new things. And that's okay. But this is how I became a Graceful Rulebreaker… is these lines and these rules, and these regulations.

So candidly growing up, I was a 'rule follower.' I loved rules. I loved being the quote unquote, 'good girl,' and doing everything right, and it was just really careful not to upset anyone, or get in any trouble. I grew up really, really privileged. I lived in a nice suburb, I went to good schools…and I have to give my mom a lot of credit because I was raised in a family that really valued giving back to the community, and volunteering, and being of service… and I vividly remember, you know, being four years old and after church, we would go to the nursing home and handout donuts, and diabetic cookies. And as I got older, I started to serve my community in different ways; I started working in soup kitchens and for habitat for humanity. And in college, I started volunteering as a reading buddy, and working in schools in New Orleans.…and I could, going to have to do a whole other episode on volunteering, but there was a point to this, I promise. So, the point is, is that in these experiences within my community, but with parts of my community that were very different to how I grew up in the space I typically operated in.

I realized that a lot of these rules and regulations, and social norms in society were really unfair. They just, they sucked for a lot of people, and particularly working in schools and the New Orleans Recovery School District just made it really clear that education, which is what I ended up studying, was unfair and messed up, and it needed to be changed. And I was so riled up by how unfair everything was in schools that I decided to pursue a Ph.D., the sole purpose of having the power and credibility to break a system that I felt like was messed up.

(09:03)

And at that time, you know, as a college student, what I'd observed is the people who got to be in the room to make the decisions either had money, or they had power. And sometimes it was because they were, you know, the expert on something and I didn't have a ton of money, and I decided to go get myself some power through academia so that I could be an expert in the room, and work to change who gets invited into the room, because it didn't feel like the right people, the community who is actually impacted by all of these decisions, they weren't getting invited in, and that felt wrong to me. So, it will come as no surprise that I started my academic career protesting a lot. I went to class, I did research, did all the things, you know, you should do. I was a good student, but I also was just a very avid protester of education policies. I protested in DC. I protest locally and Philly, carried signs, shouted, you know, the whole, the whole protesting shebang. Um, because I felt that a lot of policies were unfair and I wanted to create change. And the protesting isn't the rule breaking part.

I think, you know, protesting is so important and it takes so much protesting to create change, and it wasn't working for me, and I wasn't seeing changes being made, and that was really frustrating to me. And during this time in my life, I had the opportunity to partner with the school district, with the same school district that I had been pro… like literally protesting outside of, I'd never been inside the building, I'd only ever been outside of it, like holding angry, clever signs and at the opportunity to go and work in the district for my dissertation, and get to know the people who had the power to make change, like the people that we, as protestors or as community members, are trying to get to listen to us, to help create the positive changes we want to see. And as I worked there and learned more about their perspective and what they were trying to do, I had this moment where I felt…wow, I'm incredibly lucky to have gotten through these doors and be on the side now where people can listen to me, and people are listening to me, and what a privilege it is to be in that space.

And I just kept thinking; I need to push, I see the good intentions, I recognize that we're all doing the best we can and the people are doing what they think is right, and I see that people are kind of resistant and scared to change because it's hard and it's uncomfortable, but I'm here and I'm willing to operate in that discomfort to create positive changes. And so, this to me is how Graceful Rulebreakers can create change by operating in this space of being able to partner with people who have power or who have, you know, power and different opinions and through sharing stories, and building community, and really humanizing issues, and not being afraid to think differently in a room where everyone at least seems to be thinking the same way, and to share that out loud. And that, to me, that's the Graceful Rulebreaking part, it's that pushing against the norms, and pushing to make it better, and pushing for change.

(13:15)

Um, and I think that when you can gracefully break these rules, and collaborate, and connect with others in this space, you can create really amazing things and just do incredible work. And for me personally, I continually find myself in life knowing exactly where this line is, like I have a natural instinct for finding the line between what is traditionally accepted as good or as right, or as how things are done, what we should do. And I know exactly where that line is and I dance on it. I don't completely blow through the line because I think that can create some ill will from people… Um, I push a little and then I come back, and I hang out near the line, but I'm fully committed to trying to move the line forward in a more progressive way. And that's the Graceful Rulebreaking, it's not blowing through the lines, it's working in an uncomfortable space that needs to change, to push more sustainably in a collaborative way for change.

It's similar to the concept of being a boundary spanner or a Tempered Radical, shout out to Deborah Myerson - her book literally changed my life and how I think about these things. And you read about these concepts and organizational theory, and it's when you are operating within a system that you are trying to change, right? Like you're in a system that you don't necessarily agree with and you want to change it, and you're staying in the system because that's the point of power that you have to create the change from the inside.

(15:13)

And I feel this way in a lot of areas of my life and on the one hand, it's fun and exciting, and it makes me feel passionate… and the other hand, it's hard, hard, hard work, and it's draining because you always have to be aware of where the line is, and what the rules are and what crossing the line looks like, and what's too far, and what's good and what's bad, and right and wrong, and what are compelling reasons to push things forward, and you have to like, hold the vision and the ideals of what could be, and at the same time deal with the status quo and the current system, and take the blow back for pushing for the vision, while also taking the blow back for hanging close to the line and close to the status quo, candidly, it can be really hard and really, really overwhelming, and I feel like operating in this space can cause a sort of identity crisis where you're wondering, am I doing the right thing? And am I pushing too hard or not enough? And a lot of self doubt will creep up because people will definitely tell you that you are wrong, and some people will be annoyed and possibly really dislike you because you're always questioning things, and can make things hard within organizations, and make life or work more difficult for people because you don't feel okay with just keeping things exactly the way that they are, and these are all reasons why I wanted to do this podcast and create this intentional space for people who identify as Graceful Rulebreakers to listen and to share their experiences, being a Graceful Rulebreaker, and what impact has this had on their lives and what are different ways that they cope with the challenges that they encounter, and what are the successes that they see and that they celebrate.

(17:25)

And I'm really excited to share more with you over the coming episodes, and I'm really excited to have some Graceful Rulebreaker guests on this podcast to share with you as well, and to continue this conversation and to have this community of support, because I really believe that so, so many of you are just up to amazing big, bold things, and creating positive changes in the world, and really creative, artful, graceful ways, and these are changes that we need, and change is hard, and being a Graceful Rulebreaker can be hard, but it's also just incredibly rewarding and we're all in this together. So let's support one another and lift each other up.