Season 1: Ep.02 - On Creating Change

(00:27)

Welcome back to Graceful Rulebreakers. I'm your host Kirsten Lee Hill, and I am so excited to have you joining me for another episode. Today we're going to be talking about what it takes to create change, because as a Graceful Rulebreaker, that's your calling. That's why you're here. It's to create change, shake things up, make things better; and doing that can be really, really hard. My new mantra in life is: let it be easy. Honestly, I have it on Post-it notes, I have it on my vision board. I am really, really wanting to embody and call that ease into my life. And I want to do that because I don't think that creating change or being a Graceful Rulebreaker has to be hard. I think that it often is, it doesn't need to be, it's not necessarily set in stone that this is going to be hard and you must suffer to do this. But I think a lot of times that's how it ends up going. And that's what I want to talk about today. What does it actually take to create change?

(01:29)

So to really, really oversimplify things, I think that in order to create change, you need three things: you need passion, you need humility and you need persistence. Ground shaking, status quo level, big, huge, new, innovative changes are rarely swift. They take a lot of time and effort, and energy. You need passion. You need that fire in your belly, that connection to the issues to guide you to that vision. And you also need humility. You need to be able to listen and learn from others, and pivot, and continue learning, and partner. And you also need persistence to keep going when things are tough… when the world is telling you that you're wrong, or you're not qualified, or you're not good enough, or any other of the terrible things that will get hurled your way as someone who is pushing for change, and advocating against the status quo, you need to be able to keep going. You get a lot thrown at you when you disrupt thinking, or when you question authority and the way things you are. And if you're like me, you love to do it. Or, maybe you just find yourself doing it naturally all the time. Personally, I've embraced it. Um, and I think it's important that we question authority and the way things are, and that with that comes questioning yourself, and really having to learn to trust yourself and your value, and your experiences, and your intention.

(03:13)

And in that sense, I think that the key to persistence is really to have that passion and that humility, and just allow the three to work together in service of your change making. So I'm going to give you a little, little anecdote, a little insight into my life as a Graceful Rulebreaker and change-making… I was thinking back about my days in graduate school and you might hear about them a lot on this podcast… and I have to tell you all, I'm 32 years old, I started school, you know, preschool age four, and I was in school until I was 28 and a half. So most of my life I've been in school; my experience as an adult was in graduate school. So it's a really big part of my life and how it shaped who I am.

And so in graduate school, I had this really wonderful therapist… side note; I would highly recommend therapy for anyone who doesn't engage in that. And there's a wonderful therapist, his name was Ronald… Um, and I would come into Ron's office crying and having breakdowns very often. This was not an abnormal thing. It was… graduate school was hard. It was a rough time for me; life gets hard and overwhelming sometimes. And you know, I would be in his office having these breakdowns over myself, like, I have all this doubt, what am I doing? Can I even do this? Should I quit? And it was just this constant, like, deep questioning of who I was as a human and whether or not I should be engaging in the work I was engaging in, because I felt that there were so many obstacles being thrown my way, just constantly… we're talking mental health, physical health, relationships, insane academic drama. It was like at every turn, I felt like there was something throwing me off of my path, and it was frustrating because I had this passion; I was so excited to create positive changes in education, and I just felt like I couldn't take it. And with all these people questioning what I was doing, because I thought a little bit differently… or a lot a bit differently than traditional academics. It really became overwhelming and I'm lucky that I had a space to kind of unpack all of those things.

(05:53)

Anyways, one day during just a really dark time, it had been a string of, you know, a series of unfortunate events and I'm in his office crying… and Ron asks me, "You know, Kirsten, it seems like you are always facing these challenges. And this is always so difficult for you. And people are trying to kick you out of your program and telling you are stupid, or that it doesn't make sense to go after what it is you want to go after. But every week you're out in my office, you know, talking about these same things again and again, and again. And I'm just wondering, why do you keep going?" It was deep, right? Like, why do you keep going? This is just like this thing after thing, after thing, all these obstacles and even me, myself being an obstacle. And it was, why do I keep going? And I remember thinking, you know, and saying, I don't know if this is verbatim, but it's probably pretty close… said something along the lines of, "I'm either really stupid, or deep down I just know that this is the work that I'm meant to do."

(07:14)

And, I think about this moment and those words a lot, because it's something that I just feel so deeply, and that just rings so true to me, is that I feel in my essence, in my core that this work I am doing to try to improve education is what I was called to do. And I imagine you all feel this way about some passion of your’s too, what you were being a Graceful Rulebreaker for; you just feel it in your core. And it's not that we are stupid to keep going when there is adversity, it's that we just know that no matter what adversity we face, this is the work that we're supposed to be doing. And I'm definitely open to the work being easier, and that's one of the reasons that I love this podcast in this space, because I think that if more of us across sectors and fields unite, and come together, and support one another, we can make some aspects of this work easier.

(08:28)

The point I want to make here is just that for me, my compass, my North star has always been this passion, deep down in my core, that even when something was so terrible and so hard, and I was getting so much flack, and people telling me that I'm wrong, and I'm stupid, and that I'm not qualified, or I'm too young, or women don't do this, or we always do things this way, it doesn't make sense to do things any other way… I might've cried, not in meetings because I was, you know, putting on my tough exterior… but I might've cried, I might've taken it personally, which is something that I certainly have been working to not do, but no matter what, I would know in my heart that I am supposed to be here. And, oh gosh… this is so hard, but I'm supposed to learn these lessons and I'm doing this because for me, I'm going to make education better.

(09:31)

And that was what I cared about, and that's what mattered, and that's what kept me grounded and persisting. It was that passion that I had. And something that I want to speak to just briefly is this idea of having a passion, or a core belief that you are meant to do something, or, you know, the idea of a calling and just kind of demystify the idea that your calling is this like super specific precise thing that you understand exactly at this moment, precisely what you were going to do and how you're going to do it. Because for me, at least my passion, my calling, I feel it, it's like deep-seated. I feel my passion for creating change and education, but that is wildly broad; that's a huge thing. That's not even like a specific destination that I can envision in my head. And the truth is, I don't know what the form of me realizing that change will look like.

I feel like I'm on a journey and I asked for clarity all the time. And again, look at my vision boards, a lot of seeking clarity and eagerly await the day where I know exactly what I meant to do, to create the change that I want to see. But I think that a lot of times, for many of us who are on this path, it is honestly… it's feelings. It's feeling when you are in alignment with what your soul, your calling is and when you are not, and I just don't want people to feel pressure, to put too much emphasis on the exact form or specificity of that vision, because you can absolutely know that you are here to make big changes in a particular space, without knowing thousand percent what those changes will be.

(11:52)

And I think that that's where intuition comes in, because you're really feeling out; what feels good and what feels in alignment, and true, and authentic to you, and what doesn't. And that is what puts you on this path to being a Graceful Rulebreaker and creating amazing positive changes in the world. So now that we've talked a little bit about passion, that fire in your belly, that thing that no matter how vague it might seem at times is the thing that you were sent here to do. I want to talk about humility and being humble. And if you don't already do this already, something that I really recommend for you in whatever your respective field is, is engaging with the community that you want to work with directly, like talk to the people you want to be in service of, because I know that for me, when things got really, really tough, I could think about the teachers and the students that I had worked with, and the struggles they have and think, "No, this is so wrong. This is so unfair. I don't want things like this to keep happening to students and teachers. And I have this opportunity to learn and acquire credibility that could change this norm that is hugely inequitable."

And that would make me keep going. Like, I have to keep going, because I can make this, I can play a role in making this better, right? Like I'm not one person going to save or change this, but I can make a positive contribution to this space. And this is something that has always remained really real to me because I've made it a priority to show up in school communities. So volunteering as a teaching assistant or a reading tutor, or an after school instructor, or, you know, a yoga instructor for students and for teachers and physically being in schools, even now, you could virtually be in schools, listening to teachers, listening to students, and just being there as… I'm going to say, as a positive observer, like being there to do whatever I could do that they said they needed, that would make their days a little bit better, a little bit easier, a little bit more positive and showing up, and getting to listen and observe, and be in that space was really powerful for me.

And it's something that keeps me grounded and in touch with the work that I want to do, with the changes that I want to make. And for me, you know, I look at people who get to make decisions in education, but I imagine this is the same for many, many other fields… and, you know, people get to create these big sweeping changes, and I think it's incredibly frustrating when the people who have that level of power, have never actually experienced or been in the room, or endured or talk to someone about what it is that they are changing, like the policy or the program they're implementing, and the people that's going to be affect, like affect, that it's going to affect these people, who are so out of touch. Like, they're making a rule when they are completely out of touch and detached from the situation.

(16:06)

And I think just really deep in my core, I believe that if you want to create change, you have an obligation to become intimately, just like deeply familiar and engaged with the community that you want to work with, and to show up as humble and authentic, and ready to listen, and to be of service. And it's not about you and the change you want to make, right? It's about a passion you have for making something better, and you being humble enough to receive guidance and insights on how you could leverage your power, your insight, your knowledge, or tools, whatever it is to help create these positive changes in the spaces that you work in.

The thing is when you are running a business or doing any type of work with communities, and I want to be really intentional here about the word 'with'… and I want to give 4.0, an amazing national non-profit credit for this. Erm, I'm not working for communities and not doing things to communities, but doing things with communities in partnership. And you know, when you were doing things with communities, you are co-creating things together and you have to be humble because everyone's expertise and experiences matter… has something that they can bring to the table too, to help create these positive changes. And it's just this, I just believe in my core that when you are humble and create space for others together, we can create just such amazing things. And I think this is another thing that too much of the world, it feels like, is frustrating about Graceful Rulebreakers is that we're showing up and we're saying, you know, I want your traditional power, and I want it so that I can use it in a non-traditional way, because I don't think that your traditional power should exist. Like, you are not the final authority on this because you have money, or a fancy degree, or great social capital, whatever it is, the community, the collective has a say, and has knowledge, and should be valued so much more.

(18:59)

And when you come to the space with the humility that you are not the answer, and you are not the expert on all things, and that everyone is an expert and that, yes, you have this passion, which is a huge asset and great, but are able to see beyond that passion into the collective. I think that that's just something that can be incredibly, incredibly powerful. And so in practicing humility, I think you also cultivate persistence because in deeply engaging with the realities of the world and reaffirming, and showing yourself how equitable the world is. And just seeing again and again, and again, the things that need to change that fuels this passion that you already have for creating change and making things more positive. That allows you to persist.

(20:06)

For me, the persistence is the most difficult part of this. You know, the passion for me comes naturally. I feel it, right? And the humility requires practice, but it also to me… and I think for Graceful Rulebreakers in general, because we have this proclivity towards collaborating and just deeply appreciating, and value in other people's experiences that comes more easily and naturally too… and persistence is difficult because what will get thrown at you, when you try to change the rules of the game, that a lot of people benefit from and have benefited from for a long time, even though it's unfair to many people, just so much will get thrown at you, but it will feel deeply personal. People might attack your idea for change. But in my experience, a lot of times people attack you.

And as someone who is empathetic and highly sensitive, persisting is just the trickiest piece of the change making equation, and something that I definitely want to spend a lot more time talking about and unpacking. So, if you want to create change, and I know you do because you're listening… keep following your intuition about your passion, keep developing your passion and seeing where it leads you, and stay open to listening, and learning, and collaborating with others and keep going… because we need you. We need someone with your passion and humility, and unique experiences, and perspectives to keep pursuing your work, to make the world a better, more positive, brilliant place. And I know that last piece can feel hard and overwhelming, and bring up so much. And next episode, we are going to talk about self-care, because I feel that that is a tool that we could all use a little more of, and that has incredible potential to help us be able to persist when things get really challenging.