Season 2: Ep. 12 - On five years in business

(0:27)

Hello, and welcome back to Graceful Rulebreakers. I'm your host Kirsten Lee Hill. And first things first, I want to preemptively apologise for the audio quality on this episode. I usually record with a special microphone, I would say like a fancy setup, because it's not fancy, but a better setup, and right now I'm just on my headphones and my phone. And the reason is this, if you all know me, you know that I have a pup Calix who is just the love of my life, I completely adore him, and he has been really sick for the past few weeks, and just not… he's doing better but not not doing great. And he is currently huddled up in the bathroom. I spend a lot of time on the bathroom floor with Calix for thunderstorms and things like that, I just feel so bad leaving him alone when he's petrified - good dog Mom, I'm sure that's what you're getting from this. But he just hasn't been feeling well, and I found him having a seizure in my closet a couple, gosh, maybe two weeks ago now and having a little trauma from that, and he's been a little off today, and so I was like, I'm either not going to be able to record my podcast because, I like, he doesn't want to be in the bedroom right now, or I can get all my stuff set up, or I'm gonna just have to record it on the bathroom floor next to him so that I'm not stressed out the whole time that something is going wrong. So, there's some vulnerability transparency for you. So, I'm coming to you live from the bathroom floor in my apartment.

(2:26)

But what I really wanted to talk about for today's episode is this, July 29th, so this week is the fifth anniversary of my business, which is wild. Five years ago, I started my little consulting hub, and I wanted to just reflect on that a little bit and share a little bit about my journey with y'all because I don't think it's typical. We all have our own unique journeys, everyone's journey is unique, but I don't think it's typical, and it's certainly not what I expected, and there have been many ups and downs and forwards and backwards and sometimes, I think it's just nice to know that you're not alone in what you're going through or the decisions you're making, and so hopefully by me sharing a little bit more about my journey, there might be some insights or reflections for you all. So, I'm not going to go, like, whole life story on you all, that seems more like a birthday episode.

(3:35)

But the birth of my business back in 2016, I had recently graduated from the University of Pennsylvania with my PhD, and I'll tell you what, I did not intend to be an entrepreneur. In fact, I didn't think I was, like, cool enough to be an entrepreneur to be totally candid with you, like, all the entrepreneurs I had seen and, like, read about in like Forbes, like, I have friends who'd started businesses, were all really cool. Like, they had these game changing ideas to change the world, and they were so confident and strong and just, like, went after it and were able to like raise tonnes of money because it's such an innovative idea - that is not how I saw myself and to be fair, I didn't have some like, earth shattering idea or like something to launch a business with. And truthfully what happened was, I was going through my last year of graduate school, keep in mind y'all that I went from school, I went to school from when I was four and started preschool till I was 28 and graduated graduate school like straight through, you know, had summer break and stuff but I really hadn't ever been like an adult in the real world. So I digress, I spent the last year of graduate school looking for jobs, right? And like being on the job market and applying for academic jobs as one does when they're graduating from a Ph. D. programme, and also looking at other, like, research hubs and institutes, and it was a struggle because I really didn't feel like I fit anywhere. I remember there was one job in New Orleans I thought maybe would be a good fit for but I was kind of nontraditional for them, but I kept moving forward in the process. It was like, maybe this is it, the world's gonna give me the super cool, like opportunity to make a big difference. And spoiler alert, except for not because you all know where I am now, that did not happen, right? And I just felt like such a misfit like gosh, I was like, nobody really wants to hire me. But also, I don't really want to be hired by any of these places. Like, I don't know how to sell people on hiring me, because these jobs aren't that value aligned with me.

(5:55)

And so I started my own business because I wanted to be able to, you know, act in alignment with my values and pursue my passions and do work that really reflected what I believed in, and what I felt was important and I didn't see a space where I could do that. And so it was like, let's make my own space. And so, when I first started my company, Kirsten Lee Hill Education Consulting, you know, I went to school and went to  graduate education, education consulting, I was working on a project for a research hub out of Penn on school climate that was really interesting, and doing a tonne of like interviews and qualitative research for that, and then I got a gig working for Virgin Unite, Richard Branson's, like, philanthropic endeavours. I honestly have an email from Sir Richard Branson himself thanking me for working on the project. It was super cool planning one of his events at Necker Island, not like the event planning sense, but like setting up the policy issues and education and thought leaders to explore and speak at that event and was amazing. I was like, wow, this is so fun running my own business. Like, I get to work with Richard Branson's organisation, I'm so changing the world, I was teaching a class for the University of Delaware online, I picked up some other really innovative education clients and it was awesome. But I also was really under charging for my work, and, you know, as one does when they start out, and just, you know, couldn't find enough, couldn't find, couldn't attract enough clients to really get some momentum and stability, stability going. And I remember being at this place in November, so like, I graduated in May, started the business, it was official, July 29, that's what we're celebrating five years from. And in November of that year, I was like, I can't do this, I am a failure and I need to get a real job. And you know, a real job because working for myself wasn't a real job, I need to get like a traditional job and I ended up going to work for a school board. I've worked in basically the water cooler room, I was in Excel organising data files all day manually, because I am not an Excel wizard and I actually at the time, the guy I was dating ended up writing some like code in Python that made my job like a million times easier, and I was like, okay, now that this is done, I'm gonna get to do some cool stuff. But no, there was always more data cleaning and coding, and I just really wasn't getting to use anything that I was an expert in, right? Like, I wasn't feeling lit up. I was just feeling like so undervalued and underutilised was like oh, like I was drinking a lot more than I usually do. Like I honestly usually don't drink that much and I was coming home every day wanting like two frozen Margaritas just to cope with the fact that I hated my job and I was hating my life. And the one thing that I was doing that I really liked that I forgot to mention is, I had gone, while I was working on these projects that fall and gotten my certification in children teen and trauma informed yoga, and started working with the incredible nonprofit Project Peaceful Warriors. And do you know teaching yoga for fun and this is all going on, and I ended up like four months in to my job quitting it because I hated it, and I just couldn't. There were some great people there, lots of people with good intentions, you know, the water cooler, chained to excel life was not for me.

(10:05)

And I left the job and just dove full into working with this nonprofit Project Peaceful Warriors, and teaching a lot more yoga and like doing workshops on self-care, and I just really left my researcher hat behind and was like, this didn't work out for me, people like, didn't really value me, I'm so burnt out, which is understandable after like doing a really intense programme for six years, I was burnt out, I just was like, whatever, doing, I'm doing yoga, now I'm doing self-care, that's my thing, that's what I'm doing. And that was what I did. Like my consulting, education, consulting business, a lot of the work that I did for a good portion of these five years was teaching yoga, right? Like, I want to say at least a year, that was like, why did like yoga, self-care workshops, and I was in schools, and occasionally i'd dabble in like, making recommendations around surveys and I had so many thoughts about like data collection, and wanting to still kind of do that stuff because I was like, passionate about it, I was burnout at the same time, and I ended up, you know, we're continually like telling people are passionate about right? So, I ended up getting, picking up some other smaller projects, working with local nonprofits in New Orleans around survey design and data collection and logic models, and it was really fun. Honestly, I still really loved doing that stuff, and I just consistently, like, kept going and getting coffee, I didn't even drink coffee until I became an entrepreneur and moved to New Orleans. And then suddenly, I needed to go on all these coffee dates with people, so I got into coffee, I'm not into coffee anymore, I'm off the caffeine as much as I can. But I would go on things like coffee dates with people, and I'd be you know, fully immersed in yoga was I ended up doing more like adult training, and I was like teaching yoga again in schools and leading workshops, but be going on all these coffee dates talking to people about research, and these surveys are designed in graduate school that that really, really powerful and we're redefining success in education and, and that lit me up, and like I couldn't deny that that lit me up despite the fact that I couldn't really find a home for my ideas. It lit me up, it made me excited that led to new projects in that space and working with really incredible organisations like 4.0, who's an early stage investor in education, innovation, and, you know, small dollar amounts testing ideas early. And so I got involved working with them, and like, you know, it's a whole, whole other story for another time. But there was just this, this push and pull, right? Between research and yoga and self-care, and you know, I like left academia, and then I'm back in academia, and just like, you know, doing yoga, now I'm doing research, and I've changed my hair change my company logo, like five times, I've changed the name once for now just Kirsten Lee Hill Consulting, broadening it up beyond education.

(13:36)

And it's just so interesting to look back at these five years and be like, wow, like, part of me is like, girl, you are not cohesive, like you are all over the place, right? Like, how are these things connected? And what have you been doing? But I think the common thread to me is that I have worked with some incredible people in yoga and in research and education and in criminal justice, and you just worked with really amazing people and had all of these just unique, fascinating opportunities, because I just kept showing up and being myself even when myself didn't necessarily make sense. Like even now, I struggle sometimes, you know, you want to put yourself in, you don't want to put yourself in a box, but you want to be able to neatly explain what you do, right? And I think that's just what I've learned is just showing up and being myself and talking about what I'm excited about, and not suppressing parts of me, or thinking that I can't be all of me or do all the different things that I do.

(14:56)

And I laugh because I get my astrological chart read. I am a scientist who really loves astrology, and it's always about change. Like, it's always change, my horoscope is always change, like, it's just lots of change in my life. And it's so true, like change is the only constant theme in my life, and these past five years have been full of so many changes. I've like moved, I was in Philly and I was in New Orleans and I was DC, now in Charleston. I think about the ups and downs of like business again, like vacillating between, like yoga, self-care, research and bouncing around, and those and financially like in the past five years I've bought my first Louis Vuitton and I've also sold basically all the jewellery I owned to stay in flow, right? Like, it was just like feast, famine and you know, you hear it all the time being an entrepreneur running your own business is not a linear process, right? Like it's not a straight line. It's not a clear, one step after the other type of thing. And it's not like, I don't know for me, it's not like a decision I made and then something clicked and everything fell into place right? I'm constantly trying new things. Heck, I started a TikTok this year, I thought I would never do that for sure. I started to TikTok, I started a YouTube channel, I like, I recently just designed my own, I'm really excited about this, I actually I designed my own gift box let's say, like, you know how companies will send you like thank you gifts, I think client relationships and like relationships in general are so important and I love languishing gifts, and I love giving, loving, love giving gifts and I wanted to create like a gift box for my clients because just like say thank you and like I appreciate you, and I did all this research, surprise, surprise on different gift box companies and like just wanted like the perfect combination of things in it, and I did all this research like months and months and months and just couldn't find one that sticks and so finally I decided I'm just gonna make my own gift box, which the point is so in the past few weeks actually designed my own packaging tape using like a sketch I have of me and Calix, it's like so cute I'm so excited but I you know I've sourced all these gifts from like amazing local businesses, businesses owned by like black, indigenous people of colour, women owned businesses, people who stand for good things, good values and like making my own gift box, so I'm like just dabbling in all these different things and having fun, just like having fun with it and honouring myself and seeing what works, and like when things don't work, I guess it just, you know, no such thing as failure only feedback just kind of like letting it go, like I've been gosh go back I don't know if you can even I should just do a post on that sometime. But if you look at how my branded logo has changed over the years, like there is not necessarily consistent evolution but like a lot of things change, right? And as I get more clear on on who I am and what I value, and how I want to show up in the world like I just embrace the shifts, I really don't cling to the old, like I don't think like oh my gosh, I just rebranded itself, embarrassing that I want to change my colours again. No, I'm like actually, this isn't me anymore, this doesn't resonate, whatever I'm really behind like I have no issue like Marie Kondo-ing my business and my life.

(19:09)

And despite all that change, there are definitely things that have stayed really consistent. I tap, I do EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique, Brad Yates on YouTube, I love him. I do it every day. Do it every day. I still love Margarita's, a little less than I did when I was working on the school board. But I love Margarita. I still love champagne. I'm obsessed with cute shoes. I love being, like, kind of a quirky fashionista. I still want to make the world a better place. I'm still hugely compassionate. I'm sitting here on the bathroom floor with my dog because I just feel so deeply for him and can't leave him alone, right? Like, I'm the same person and yet I've been these past five years like evolved so much, and changed so much. And I don't even know if this is resonating or making sense, and part of me is like, Kirsten, delete this now, you can do a more perfect podcast later. But I'm not going to do that. Because if there is there is one thing I can take away from the past five years and being a business owner, and just trying your best to live the life you want to live is, you need to be authentic and true to yourself, and just embrace all of it, embrace the messy, embrace the fact that some things do not go well at all, embrace the fact that things change and like you're allowed to change your mind, you're allowed to change your business name, you're allowed to change what you do. You're allowed, right? Like, you're a human being having an experience, and you were allowed to have all those things, you're allowed to have all the feelings. And to me, I think honesty and integrity are just so important. And so in the past five years, I've just tried to show up as who I am, and be myself and be kind and be loving and unleash my passion and work to to help others because that's important to me. And that's been the same no matter what I'm doing, like whether I was teaching a yoga class at the Children's Museum, or leading a class on measurement, like in all of those areas, to me common thread over the past five years is I want people to feel like they belong, that they matter, that they have a voice. And there are many different ways to do that, a lot of it is about the energy, you show up within the space you create, and that has been a constant for me, through all this change. And Gosh, I assure you, I am not where I thought I would be five years into my business. I, you know, kind of thought I would be an overnight success on some level. You know, I thought I would be so much more stable and confident and sure by now, and I'm not there yet. You know, and that's, that's okay. I still have days, moments, I still have moments during days where I think, gosh, I should just move to an island and just stop trying and, like, it's just not working. It's just not working. And you just have to let go. Just let go and enjoy the ride the best you can. So Happy Birthday to the business. Thank you all for listening to this rogue episode. I appreciate you. I'm grateful to be here. I'm grateful to still have a business honestly, after this past year in particular. And gosh, you know I just I'm really, really grateful and excited for this next chapter. There's new things percolating, brewing in my mind, I'm excited to really own who I am, even more so in these next five years and Cheers to that.