Season 1: Ep.17 - On Taking Risks

(00:28)

Welcome back to Graceful Rulebreakers. I'm your host Kirsten Lee Hill and I am so grateful to have you tuning in for another episode. Today I want to talk about taking risks; when to do it, how to do it, how to know if you're being impulsive or inspired. In just a few short weeks, I'm moving down to Charleston, South Carolina. I've never been there. Ever. Not even on a layover. Is it risky? Sure. Is it impulsive? Well, it depends on who you ask. Truth be told, I have a love / hate relationship with being called impulsive, because I feel like typically when I'm getting called impulsive, it's intended as an insult; people are throwing it around, like it's this really negative thing. Impulsive equals being thoughtless and not thinking things through. Literally, if you look it up in the Oxford dictionary, it says impulsive is acting or done without forethought.

(01:28)

Now personally, I don't feel like that describes me at all. I have a lot of forethought, but I'm quick. I'm decisive. I don't look back. So I can see how, as someone who is not risk averse, I might come off as impulsive to others. I believe that in life, you have to be willing to take risks and go where you feel the energy, go where you're feeling called. And especially if you're like me and you're single, and you don't have people relying on you… Okay, I do have a pretty high maintenance dog who I adore, but other than that, you have this luxury, this privilege of being able to be curious, of having fun and exploring, and using your time to feel out what feels right for you. Yes, I think you should be thoughtful and listen to your intuition about situations. But if something feels right, I don't question it.

(02:20)

I joke a lot that this is because I'm a Sagittarius, you know, fire sign. But the truth is that I feel comfortable taking big risks and making decisions quickly, because I completely trust myself to live with the consequences. Let me say that again; I completely trust myself to live with the consequences. That is my secret to taking risks. Honestly, whatever happens, I know that I will be able to handle it. What if I move, quit my job, leave this relationship, whatever it is that you are toying over; and it's terrible, it's a huge mistake, it's a bad decision. Here's the thing, I don't believe in mistakes. I don't believe in bad decisions. I believe in lessons. I'll figure it out. I trust my capabilities. Things might not be easy. Although candidly, that's usually just our resistance acting up, but regardless, I trust I'll make it through.

(03:19)

Life is messy and we're all going to make quote, unquote 'mistakes' and that's okay. We're all going to learn lessons. Let's just reframe that right now; we're all gonna learn lessons, and I think a skill that we need as Graceful Rulebreakers, as entrepreneurs, as Change-makers, as humans, is that we all need to put much more trust in ourselves. People talk about resilience a lot, especially lately. It's one of those hot, new buzz words, pop culture terms. They talk about resilience and how important it is; how it can make you successful, how it is a critical skill to have. But there was a lot of debate over how to teach resilience. Or if you can teach resilience. Is it nature or nurture? Is it something that you're just born with and you have, or you don't have? Or is it something that you can cultivate?

And I'll tell you what, I'm in the growth mindset camp. And I think if you can trust yourself, you will be resilient. Because what is resilience really? Resilience is bouncing back, and how do you bounce back quickly? You trust. There are definitely things in my life; migraines, panic attacks, chronic health issues, intense struggles during graduate school, that I look back on and I think… Oh my gosh, how did I even deal with that? How did I spend so many nights in the ER or doing, like, crazy migraine treatments and so many hours in psychiatrist offices dealing with panic attacks, and still get A's, still do a dissertation, still graduate, still be successful? And the answer is totally simple; I trust my capabilities. I trust myself to handle whatever happens. I trust my attitude. I trust my ability to ask for help when I need it. And I also trust in the bigger picture. I honestly believe that even terrible things that have happened to me are for some greater, bigger purpose. And I think that when you trust in life in this way, you can truly tackle everything and go after anything.

And yes, there will be moments where you crumble or falter… trust me, I have so been there, and that's okay, because you will get back up. The more you trust yourself and just recognize that you are a freaking awesome, amazing human being, the easier and less stressful life is going to be. If you want something, if you want to try something, you want to go for something, you can do it. Just decide you can do it and then do it. It's just as easy to propel yourself forward, as it is to hold yourself back. Life is a journey.

(06:08)

Have you ever heard the saying, let go or be dragged? I love it. I really, I love it. And I say it to myself a lot. You cannot control the future. You cannot. You cannot control what happens. You can only control, to some extent, how you react and how you continue about your life. You can hold on tightly and try to control everything, and wait for the most perfect, safe moment to take a risk. Or you can throw your hands up and say, ‘Screw it. I'm doing it now. Life is short. I'm seizing the moment.’ I want to live a more inspired life. I want to feel free and happy, and play bigger, and just get out there. So I'm doing it. Or at least I'm trying to do it, right? I'm taking steps every day that push me out of my comfort zone, and I'm just trying to show up. It's not a linear process. There are definitely setbacks and sometimes doubt creeps in, but doubt is a place that I visit; it's not a place that I live. I'm not afraid. I trust in my capabilities.

(07:13)

As I say all this, I feel it's so deeply in my bones and I'm thinking… gosh, well, how did I get here? Because it's like, yeah, great for you, Kirsten, you trusted your capabilities, i'm listening and I'm not in a place where I feel ready to take a leap of faith, how do I get there? As with most things, my answer is to start small. I joke around a lot about this, but it's something I really believe and think is true; is I treat my daily life as exposure therapy. As someone who has panic disorder and has really struggled with panic attacks for the past decade, there are a lot of basic things I do daily that genuinely evoke terror or panic in me.

(08:01)

I did an interview about this the other week, and I was talking about how having a dog has been like the best type of exposure therapy for me, because being responsible for his well being and loving him, and really caring about him, forces me into uncomfortable situations I'd prefer to avoid every single day. And if you've ever dealt with panic attacks or have had panic disorder, you know that sometimes just leaving the house is truly terrifying. And what I love about this, like, my dog exposure therapy, is that it shows me that I can do it, that I am okay, I can leave the house, I can make around the block without having a panic attack and I can be fine. Or I can leave and maybe have a panic attack and still also be fine, right? And I say all of this because what I want you to know is; that if I can do it, you can do it.

I get the struggle. I deeply, deeply get fear and anxiety and wanting to stay safe, but I'll tell you what gets me to leave them behind; having a bigger purpose. I can't serve the world or help people if I stay small and afraid, and so each day, I make myself do something that terrifies me and I show myself that I can handle it. In panic, terror, discomfort, whatever flavor of that you want to call, it is a personal thing, right? What is scary to me might not be scary to you and vice versa, but I do this every day to show myself that I can handle it. And day after day, I just continue to build that muscle and show myself my immense power. And you can do the same thing. 110% I have absolutely no doubt at all. So, start now and start small.

(10:02)

What is something that is just an inch or a centimeter outside of your comfort zone? Do it. Do it and see how completely okay you are, how completely you can handle that situation, and then rinse and repeat. One day, you will wake up and you will want something that seems wild, and you'll just go for it, knowing that no matter what happens, you're going to be okay, because you are capable of handling what happens. I felt really called to talk about this this week because I get asked a lot about taking risks, and how you know when you are ready to take a risk, like move or leave a job… leave a job is one I get a lot, leave a job and go out on your own, and people want to know how you know, when that is the right time and how do you not be afraid of taking that risk?

And for me, the answer is different for everyone, right? But what I think is amazing and something that I want to share is that for me, as someone with absolutely crippling, we're talking at some point in my life, I literally couldn't leave my house anxiety, to be able to get called impulsive and be bold, and do things, and be decisive, and run towards what I want; to me that shows that this is something that is accessible to all of us, if we choose to trust ourselves and really let our heart guide us. Because for me again, I said this earlier, but I'll say it again; nothing is ever scarier to me than the possibility of not making a difference. The possibility of not showing up and supporting, and helping the world in the way that I believe; I can't. Like, that's worth more than my fear, and that motivates me to keep pushing my fear every single day.

(12:21)

And it's definitely a process and I want to say, you know, well, nothing scares me because in some sense, nothing does scare me because I know that I can handle whatever comes my way. But in another sense, fear is a very like physical response, right? And there are definitely things that get my anxiety going, and in those moments, it's just that choice to see the bigger picture and the bigger motivation, and push onward, right? Like say, 'Yeah, I'm feeling fear and I'm still going to do this thing because the world needs me. The world needs me to face this fear.' Life is short, my friends. It is precious. And I want you to follow your heart and to do what you want to do. I mean, of course, work for and respect the greater good and help others, but don't let fear and 'shoulds' hold you back. Trust in your capabilities. Trust that you can have what you want, and trust that whatever decision you make is just going to be a lesson, right? Like take the value judgment, good or bad out of it; it's just, you're learning lessons, you're doing the best you can and whatever comes your way, you are completely, completely, completely, totally capable of dealing with it, right? And so in that sense, if there is something that you want and you feel called to go for it, I encourage you to go for it. Do it. And I can't promise it'll work out because none of us control the future, and I don't know, but I can promise that you will learn and you will grow, and it will feel so empowering and calming to trust in yourself, and just to trust in your capabilities.

(14:36)

So if you're thinking, should I take this risk? Should I take this risk now? How do I take this risk? Am I being impulsive? Or am I being inspired? My recommendation would be to really get centered and ask yourself; is this what I want, right? Decide if it's what you want and then ask yourself, do you trust yourself to handle what happens next? I'll end with this; the secret to taking risks is to completely trust yourself to live with the consequences. If the consequences are going to be too stressful or too painful, and you're not sure how you're going to handle them; might not be the best time for the risk. But if you can just completely trust yourself and your supports, and all of your capabilities and abilities, and magic that you have, to live with the outcome, go for it, right? At the very least and at the very most, you will learn a lesson. It will become a story. It will become part of you. It will push you closer to where you want to be, and that's the magic of risk-taking, right? They say no risk, no reward, right? You have to put yourself out there. Discomfort can push us to grow in truly amazing ways, and show us our untapped potential and strength, and I personally think that's something that's really exciting and a hundred percent worth it.