Season 1: Ep.26 - Get a Non-Negotiable

(00:28)

Hello, and welcome back to Graceful Rulebreakers. I'm your host, Kirsten Lee Hill, and I'm coming to you today with one final bite-size episode to round out my very first season. It's a new year, it's a new day in America. I'm coming to you from my new apartment and a new city. So much has changed since I started this podcast. I am really excited about the second season, and so ready to take some creative space to recharge and get settled in my new home. See, I'm practicing what I preach #selfcare. So, to hold you over until I'm back with season two in April, I want to share what I believe is the best bite-sized tip for self-care; having a non-negotiable.

(01:15)

I think the biggest mistake we make when we set goals or try to develop new habits or rituals is, we think too big. We want to do it all perfectly right now. I get it. But that puts us in this all or nothing mindset. You either do all the things and you feel great, or you don't have time to, something comes up, whatever it is, and you can't do the ritual and you feel like a failure. Maybe you even put it aside all together because it just feels impossible. Here's where the non-negotiable comes in. I tell you, this has really saved my self-care practice and helps me to persist in a variety of rituals that I have always wanted to have. But I also felt like I needed to wait until I had more time, energy, you name it. No more excuses. Take your self-care goal habit, I use the word ritual because it resonates with me, it feels packed with meaning and magic. Whatever you want to call it, take it and distill it into one tiny, no more than five minutes, thing.

(02:29)

No more than five minutes. We need to set this bar ridiculously low. You are going to pick your thing. Your one bite-size thing that you can absolutely do; that is your self-care for the day. I know all of us have full schedules and lots of things going on, but you can find less than five minutes. Ten minutes, fifteen minutes.…I don't know, personally that starts to feel like a lot to me, but five minutes, that's like a bathroom break. You have got this. Now, ideally you want to start your day with this non-negotiable. Yes, I am well aware and acquainted with the things that happen in the morning, whether you have fur babies or children, or even without either of those things… things just can come up in the morning. So, maybe you're a non-negotiable isn't always going to be the very first thing you do, but get it in early.

(03:26)

The idea is to get it in before you're swept up in work and everyone else's agenda. Find the five minutes, three minutes, two minutes, whatever it is, for that one bite-size activity that will feel really good; that's going to be your non-negotiable. For me, and I've talked about this before, my non-negotiable is tapping. I do the emotional freedom technique tapping every single day and have been doing it for many, many years. It's my non-negotiable. And what I love about tapping is that there are all these different tapping scripts or routines, and they come in different sizes. So, there are two minute ones, three minute ones, five minute ones, seven minute ones, right? And so, even if I only do that two minutes a day, that is a huge win for me. I feel good. I feel cared for. I feel like I'm building this momentum throughout the day to incorporate other healthy practices because I did my tapping and it just is like…yes, win, did the tapping today. I'm ready to start the day. And that's how I want you to feel about your bite-size non-negotiable.

(04:41)

What's so important about this is having a ritual that is for you. I love rituals. I love routines, but I find that oftentimes the way people explain them, they're very elaborate, time-consuming. I see that and I think, this is burdensome, right? I would love to have twenty, thirty minutes, an hour to do all these huge rituals that are going to make me feel amazing, but I just can't even comprehend having that space in my schedule. And it feels stressful to create that space. That stress, that pressure, that is the opposite of self-care, which is why we have a non-negotiable and we set the bar low. Having the non-negotiable is so powerful because it's easy. It's this tiny win just for you that you can start your day with. Today, this week, even right now, I encourage you to take a few minutes, again, it doesn't have to be this long amount of time, right? Just take a few minutes and think about something that you could do every day, that feels good. What is a ritual that you would love to have, that you do for yourself, to reset into the ground, every day?

(06:01)

We make this easy, you want it to become…no brainer, like brushing your teeth, this is just something that you do and you incorporate in your day. You are a vehicle for amazing positive changes in the world. You are working on big things, and this requires resilience and passion, and sustainability. If you were feeling depleted and like you never have a minute to yourself and just kind of adrift, having this one ritual that you can come back to is really powerful. As I love to say, do what works for you. Don't fall into these trappings of it has to be ten minutes or twenty minutes, and it has to look like this. It doesn't have to look any particular way. You're picking your thing, that feels good for you, and you're doing it every day and you're framing it up as; this is my self-care. This is for me, this is how I get ready for my day, this is how I get ready to show up in the world and make amazing changes.

(07:08)

I think this is going to be a real game changer for those of you who don't already have a non-negotiable, and I am super excited to hear how it goes. I will be back in April with season two, and until then I'll be revisiting some key lessons from season one over on Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn. So keep up with me there, stay tuned. And from the bottom of my heart, thank you for making my first season so amazing. I appreciate you.